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Why You Should Stop Looking for Problems in Your Relationship
Instead — Look for the Good
If you’ve read anything I have written, it is probably fairly clear I border on an anxious attachment style. I question everything and I hear a whole breakup monologue in any silence I receive from my partner. It’s hard work being so darn anxious all the time! But it is harder work to try and break away from it.
However, I have realized that trust is the biggest reason why I have doubts and why I don’t have doubts when I am in relationships. I have a horrible habit of expecting the worst which inevitably means the worst is likely to happen. But I don’t want the worst to happen. And if you are like me, you probably don’t want it o happen either. So here is how I have (actively working) broken this anxious cycle I am in.
Realize you are the only one thinking this way
Unless you are dating someone that is a proven player, your partner likely isn’t playing games. So every time your anxious heart is telling you that they are getting ready to dump you, or cheat on you, or forget about you — they most likely aren’t actually thinking those things. Only YOU are thinking those things. All the stress you feel about them not responding to your text for four hours or the times you panicked because they didn’t answer your call — that is all you. It can be hard to realize that the actual problem is us, I understand. But ever since I realized that the issue was me, I have felt much more at ease.
The even better part is that I have begun to learn to identify those anxious thoughts so I can talk myself down before I get all riled up. I remind myself that if he isn’t calling or texting me, he’s likely just busy. And yes, maybe he is busy with someone else. Maybe he is talking to other people. However, I am not “other people”. I happen to be the girlfriend and that means when my partner is busy and talking to other people, I should realize he’s going to end his day with me. Because I am a person he wants to talk to — not someone he has to talk to. Which brings my next point.
